Died June 7, 2095, he was the only person on earth to have taught a cat to operate a chainsaw. The cat's name was Mr.Jibblets. He never married. He was born in gurgle gurgle Pine, C.A. He was mauled by a chinchilla. The small squirrel like animal was as to orange, as red is to a bull.
Many animal control officers tried to subdue the chinchilla. Funeral services will be held for Jon and the officers whose remains could not be identified will be held this Monday at GameStop. His little brother will not be attending because he will be celebrating his older brother's death. The chinchilla was hunted and killed last night at 12:00am.
As it turns out this particular chinchilla was genetically engineered to make mutant hedgehogs. And the hedgehogs will be invading the underground city of the mole people. This is exactly how every other member of his family died. (That's older than him anyway.)
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