By Jacob
Dallas Winston a boy from the north side of Tulsa was killed by police officers last night. He robbed a magazine store by gun point. Then ran towards the park. His friends were on scene at time off death. Police chief Fredrick Dast held a press conference he said "The boy pointed an unloaded gun at our officers and not knowing that the gun was unloaded they shot him three times in the chest. Dallas Winston's funeral will be held on Saturday.
Name of Critic – Chad Braun
ReplyDeleteAuthor of blog – Jacob Waldt
Positive Comments – Got the 5 W's, and the H. Also was pretty interesting.
Things the author could have done better – Combined sentences, and made it a little longer. Also dunno what the cop said cause there are no closing quotes.
What (if any) items were missing from the blog? No closing quotes.
Name of Critic – isai
ReplyDeleteAuthor of blog – jacob
Positive Comment - is cool that you didi it short but you got all you need in their.
Things the author could have done better –
Name of Critic –Lupita
ReplyDeleteAuthor of blog –Jacob
Positive Comments –
You were descriptive towards the end and picked a nice topic.
Things the author could have done better –
Check spelling and grammar. Make sure when you use quotation marks that they end somewhere.
What (if any) items were missing from the blog? You are missing when.
Name of Critic – Emma
ReplyDeletePositive Comments – it is detailed
Things the author could have done better – He should have ended the quotation marks.
What (if any) items were missing from the blog?
Name of Critic – Magie
ReplyDeleteAuthor of blog – Jacob
Positive Comments – There are a lot of details.
Things the author could have done better – The quotation never ends.
What (if any) items were missing from the blog? none
Name of Critic – Jesus
ReplyDeleteAuthor of blog – Jacob
Positive Comments – Awesome.
Name of Critic – Avi
ReplyDeleteAuthor of blog – Jacob
Positive Comments – You were descriptive with your topic.
Things the author could have done better – When you use quotation marks make sure they end.
What (if any) items were missing from the blog?
Name of Critic – Boy Dies at Loomington Park
ReplyDeleteAuthor of blog –Jacob
Positive Comments –Good job
Things the author could have done better –
Tell How his friends get there.
What (if any) items were missing from the blog?
How many officers were there on seen?